Living & Learning

Well, I just spent a couple hours crafting a nice post. In two seconds I found a button here that made it disappear forever. The once and future Luddite rides again.

But it is probably for the best. The post I wrote was not talking about the thing that needs talked about, I suppose. But I have found every possible way to avoid dissecting my own heart. I guess it is time to pick up a scalpel and get to work.

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From NBC News: “It’s obviously the work of a madman,” Santa Barbara Sheriff Bill Brown said at a news conference early Saturday. “There’s going to be a lot more information that will come out that will give a clearer picture of just how disturbed this individual was.”

A young man,  Elliot Rodger, 22 shot multiple people. But before he did, he made a video and posted it on Youtube. It has been cross-posted everywhere, even though Youtube pulled it quickly. It would seem gratuitous to post it here. I don’t know Elliot Rodger, his family, or his victims personally. But they are all in my prayers.

On the other hand I would like to give Elliot Rodger a vicious pinch. Because I can guess what is coming.  His actions and his video do not paint a picture of mental stability. I’m not a psychiatrist, or a psychologist, not even on TV, however, I do know crazy when I see it. (Like in the mirror every morning) Soon experts will begin issuing analysis and statements about this young man’s psychological state. He might end up having a different disorder, However, I’ll hazard the guess that schizophrenia will get thrown out there.

I feel saddened, sickened, shocked, and shamed. And if they stick the schizophrenia diagnosis on him, I will feel worse. When things like this occur, and you suddenly find you share a diagnosis with the perpetrator, there is that shock of recognition. There, but for the Grace of God, go I. It drives home very keenly the fear, and the dark lurking horrors of this disease. This disease kills. It commits acts of torture, torment and barbarity. And I have this disease.

I do know that schizophrenia has a wide range of symptoms, and that they vary as wildly as do schizophrenics themselves. The internet says so, and so it must be true. On long dark nights of the soul, I will try to comfort myself with this fact. Historically, it won’t bring me any comfort. Instead, I will sit in my darkened room and run my hands obsessively over my face, trying to see if it feels like the face of a killer. I will minutely analyze my every act and compare it with an impossible standard of sanity, and fail. And the fear will come and lick at my toes, gently at first, but the tide will come in, and I will drown in the terror of my own potential. You look at it, and find the behavior to be insane. Well, bingo!

Is my endless fear, shame and guilt going to change anything for the victims of this recent tragedy? No. I know it won’t. Is it somehow going to prevent me from committing a similar act? I probably would not commit an act like this, at least, I pray that I never would. But I do think that owning the possibility, the grim awful worst case scenario face of naked unabated schizophrenia, and trying to confront it helps me maintain a kind of clarity.

Do the prayers of a schizophrenic woman unknown to any victim or their grieving families have any possibility of lifting their wounded hearts, their battered souls? If I did not believe that, I would not be praying them.

LITANY OF THE FAITHFUL DEPARTED

Lord, have mercy on us,
Christ, have mercy on us. 

Lord, have mercy on us.  Christ hear us,
Christ, graciously hear us. 

God the Father of Heaven,
Have mercy on the souls of the faithful departed. 

God the Son, Redeemer of the world,
Have mercy on the souls of the faithful departed. 

God the Holy Ghost,
Have mercy on the souls of the faithful departed. 

Holy Trinity, one God,
Have mercy on the souls of the faithful departed. 

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for the souls of the faithful departed. 

St. Michael,
pray for the souls of the faithful departed. 

All ye angels and archangels,
pray for the souls of the faithful departed. 

All ye orders of blessed spirits,
pray for the souls of the faithful departed. 

St. Joseph,
pray for the souls of the faithful departed. 

All ye holy patriarchs and prophets,
pray for the souls of the faithful departed. 

All ye holy apostles and evangelists,
pray for the souls of the faithful departed. 

All ye holy martyrs,
pray for the souls of the faithful departed. 

All ye holy bishops and confessors,
pray for the souls of the faithful departed. 

All ye holy doctors,
pray for the souls of the faithful departed. 

All ye holy priests and Levites,
pray for the souls of the faithful departed. 

All ye holy monks and hermits,
pray for the souls of the faithful departed. 

All ye holy virgins and widows,
pray for the souls of the faithful departed. 

All ye saints of God,
pray for the souls of the faithful departed. 

Be merciful, 
Spare them, O Lord 

Be merciful, 
Graciously hear us, O Lord. 

From all evil,
O Lord, deliver them. 

From the rigor of Thy justice,
O Lord, deliver them. 

From the power of the devil,
O Lord, deliver them. 

From long-enduring sorrow,
O Lord, deliver them. 

From cruel flames, 
O Lord, deliver them. 

From horrible darkness,
O Lord, deliver them. 

From dreadful weeping and wailing,
O Lord, deliver them. 

Through Thy holy nativity,
O Lord, deliver them. 

Through Thy most sweet name,
O Lord, deliver them. 

Through Thy most profound humiliations,
O Lord, deliver them. 

Through Thy infinite love,
O Lord, deliver them. 

Through Thy bloody sweat,
O Lord, deliver them. 

Through Thy scourging,
O Lord, deliver them. 

Through Thy crowning with thorns,
O Lord, deliver them. 

Through Thy carrying of the cross,
O Lord, deliver them. 

Through Thy most cruel death,
O Lord, deliver them. 

Through Thy five most holy wounds,
O Lord, deliver them. 

In the day of judgment, 
We sinners, beseech Thee, hear us. 

Thou Who forgavest Magdalen,
and didst grant the prayer of the thief, 
we beseech Thee, hear us. 

That Thou wouldst be pleased to deliver 
the souls of our parents, relations, 
friends, and benefactors, 
from the pains of hell, 
we beseech Thee, hear us. 

That Thou wouldst be pleased to have mercy 
on those of whom no special remembrance 
is made on earth, 
we beseech Thee, hear us. 

That Thou wouldst be pleased to grant them all 
the pardon and remission of their sins, 
we beseech Thee, hear us. 

That Thou wouldst be pleased to receive them 
into the company of the blessed, 
we beseech Thee, hear us. 

King of awful majesty, 
we beseech Thee, hear us. 

Son of God, we beseech Thee, 
hear us. 

Lamb of God, 
who takest away the sins of the world, 
grant unto them eternal rest. 

Lamb of God, 
who takest away the sins of the world,  
grant unto them eternal rest. 

Lamb of God, 
who takest away the sins of the world,  
grant unto them rest everlasting. 

Christ, hear us. 
Christ, graciously hear us. 

Lord, have mercy, 
Christ, have mercy. 

Lord, have mercy, 
From the gate of hell, 
deliver their souls, O Lord. 

O Lord, hear my prayer. 
And let my cry come unto Thee.

LET US PRAY:

O God, the Creator and Redeemer of all the faithful, 
grant unto the souls of Thy servants departed 
the remission of all their sins; 
that, by pious supplications, 
they may obtain the pardon 
which they have always desired.  
Grant this, O God, 
Who livest and reignest for ever and ever,

Amen. 

O eternal God, Who, 
besides the general precept of charity, 
hast commanded a particular respect for parents, 
kindred, and benefactors; 
grant, we beseech Thee, that, 
as they were the instruments 
by which Thy providence bestowed on us our birth, 
education and innumerable other blessings, 
so our prayers may be the means to obtain for them 
a speedy release from their excessive sufferings, 
and admittance to Thine infinite joys.  
Through Jesus Christ, Our Lord. 

Eternal rest give unto them, O Lord,
And let the perpetual light shine upon them. 

May they rest in peace.

Amen. 

 

MOJUBA
Omi tuto , ana tuto, ache tuto, tuto ile, tuto alaye, aricu babawa
Mojuba Olofi , Olorun , mojuba Olodumare ,
Mojuba Olojoni Oni Odunmocuedun, Olorun ,
Alaye , Olorun Elemi Olodumare Oba Aterere Kaje , Olodumare ibae baye tonu ,
Mojuba atijo ojo ,mojuba atiwo Orun , mojuba Ayaiodun Oni Odun , Odun Ola ,
Mojuba Orun mojuba Oshukua , Mojuba ile ogede afoko jeri. 
Iba a semojuba gbogbo wan olodo ara Orun : oluwos , iyalochas , babaloshas ,
omo kolabas egun inbelese Olodumare
Mojuba gbogbowan olodo ara Orun : oluwos , iyalochas , babalochas , omo kolaba egun
lagba lagba inbelese , timbelese olodumare .
Ibae bayen tonu gbogbo egun ara Orun ori emi nani Obatala
Egungun egun iku ranran fe awo ku opipi o da so bofun le wo.
Egun iku bata bango egun de bi aba fatori na le egun a sede ashe.
Ibae bayen tonu gbogbo egun ara Orun ori baba iya tobi mi padrino.
Ibae bayen tonu gbogbo egun araOrun ori yubonna mi iyubona.
Ibae bayen tonu gbogbo egun ara orun ori igboro kale ile.
Ibae bayen tonu gbogbo egun , gbogbowan olodo ,
lagba , lagba otoku ara Orun timbelaye ,
InbeleseOlorun olodumare.
K’tInbelese Oludumare.

Author: belladonnareed

Pamela Alexander is a 48 year old mother of two and mild menace to society. She resides in a suburb of Pittsburgh, PA with her sorely oppressed partner, and flatulent dog and a cat. She smokes like a chimney, swears like a sailor, and has been known to drink. When she grows up she hopes to move to the West coast of Mexico.

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